Beautiful letdown
August 8, 2008
In a world full of bitter pain
And bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in,
Until I found out
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong here
I will carry a cross and a song where I don’t belong.
It was a beautiful letdown
When you found me here
And for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I’ll be a beautiful letdown
That’s what I’ll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I’ll sing for free.
We’re still chasing our tails
And the rising sun
And our dark water planet
Still spins in a race
Where no one wins
And no one’s one.
My life is complete
August 7, 2008
Not one of them involving you
August 6, 2008
Communication breakdown sey today. Slenger to the max. As in, yours truly. Maybe it’s the hair.
Kama not pleased. HAHAHAHA CAN TELL. SORRY BABE. You’re like my mother that way. Even she didn’t know what to say to me, except a meek “idk la”. Translation: whatever makes you happy, you fucked up weirdo.
The last ever presentation today. Screwed it up big time. As in, yours truly. WAS SO DISTRACTED. Maybe it was the lecturer’s goldfish eyes staring back at me when I was presenting. Or maybe I was just complacent.
-
NgTL rather accusingly, to Justine, Yuwen &me, cause we weren’t in red like majority of the kids today: “Singaporean or not?”
“No.” Yuwen.
“Then what country you from?”
Yuwen’s eyes darted shiftily. For the first time she had nothing else witty to say.
“Country-less,” I helped her. “She lives in a cardboard.”
To Justine: “You lei? Singaporean or not?”
“Inside,” she said patriotically. I nodded emphasizingly.
“Inside. In my heart, I am Singaporean,” Justine elaborated.
I stopped nodding. If only I could say the same. “Inside. My bra red.”
&then here was when Yuwen quipped: “My underwear red. Menses.”
:DDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!???????????
-
Jenny jahat. “Lela! What you doing here?”
We were in the room where the final year students(our classmates) were showcasing their final product. Were there to support Yuwen’s subgroup.
Lala being cheeky: “Oh, I’m the assessor.” (Lecturers were there to assess &grade the product)
Next thing Jenny was hollering, “Hello people! Here got new assessor Lela!” Thank god her voice wasn’t that loud, but a few of our kids were gawking &laughing in amusement. I wanted to disappear.
F.O on me
August 5, 2008
My mp3 fucked up on me. Don’t ask why cause idk also. Haprak punyer mp3. Seriously la..either you get a good, expensive one, OR DON’T GET IT AT ALL. Tapi takpurr. It was perfect while it lasted. Relying on the FM radio for music now… It’s awright, except sometimes when I tuned in to Dan &Young in the morning, I ended up smiling to myself in the bus.
Later in the day:
Syaki’s sms: “Babat boy jumped off the shelf &landed on the computer table. Some computer plugs came off. Think the Mio/Modem affected. Laptop &computer both not working.”
I remembered thinking, thank GOD presentations over. Won’t be needing the internet hence.
I can live without internet.
Gray is not a feeling
August 5, 2008
It’s Monday la.
I wore black today.
My insane woman wore black today.
My Caramel Frappe also wore black today.
Mother of all shakey shots.
Odd one out:
Alalalala!! Aww, hey, there’s a reason why you’re my personal sun la, Aisya Farid 
I don’t like it this way
August 4, 2008
It’s a powerful word. “No.” Don’t have full control over it yet. It requires an honest kind of self–love that is not fully mine. Yet. It asks of you to recognise what of yourself to give and what to keep. It asks for full objectivity. Detachment from expectations. Expectations of what others expect of you. Fear of failing to meet those expectations. Guilt for failing to meet those expectations. It asks to go beyond generosity. To treat yourself fairly. To refuse.
Just two today
August 4, 2008
Don’t you just love accidental photos? Just two today. Idk if you know, but I’ve switched from dA to Eljay to Flickr &now back to Eljay. Cause I like the privilege of the vast white space which showcases the photos to its full glory! Sure, Flickr automatically enhances your shots, but nyah! So now you know la where to go to check out my pictures. I WILL TRY TO POST A PICTURE DAILY.
Ok.
Today, or more like, yesterday? Sunday. STUDIED LIKE STUDYING IS ALL THAT I’VE EVER KNOWN.
It’s so hard to find a decent place to study. We went to the library &every table, every freaking corner, was occupied. I don’t get it. It’s a SUNDAY for crying out loud wtf are these people DOING HERE?Fuckness! Go play kite outside or watch a movie or something!!LOSERS.
Look who’s talking.
These lines are older than even me
August 3, 2008
Nothing but a game, right?
All work, no pay.
Sometimes I can almost feel it,
Slipping away.
There’s so much left in me,
I need to say.
I cannot let my heart,
Chase you away.
Me.
Homeless.
A tendency to over-do things.
Emotionless.
Love is a thought, in the back of my mind.
Hopeless Romantic,
Till the day I die.
There’s just too many feelings,
To ever know why.
Broken, bread for disaster.
My shape is changing.
No one can break this.
No one can make this.
You.
You just had to come and make my heart,
Skip a beat.
Once again, like I’m stuck on repeat
For you,
It was always for you.
There’s not a thing I do,
For anyone I knew.
I wish I was as selfish,
As selfish as you.
You and me.
Have always been right here.
I remember the lines.
Spilling out, without recollection.
Wish away all you want.
The only perfect lie, is the truth.
I would do for you.
I would do it all again.
Mushiness
August 2, 2008
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU MANY!
actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
u know i love U
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
YES I DO~
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
nvr have i been in such a mushy convo
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
hahahahahaha
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
ill be like dat w my friend but they dont respond tt much
actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
HAHAHHAHA
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
hahaha mebbe they;re scared
actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAA
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
u bring out the lesbian side of me
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
HAHAHAHAAHAH!
actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
oh i get tht a lot
actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
HAHAHAHHAHAHA
actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
jgn, pls
You know what they say you can’t have it so you want it back
August 1, 2008
So I thought it was just another ordinary Friday in school…
I was early so naturally I headed to the locker to get Aisya Farid’s book for her. But Evelyn had beat me to it…heh. Idk, if there’s anyone of there with more (displaced) initiative than me, it would be Evelyn. &I ain’t saying that just because it’s her 19TH BIRTHDAY TODAY WHEEE! Anyways. I was still trying to reach Farid, when I felt the phone vibrating. I glanced at the screen. 2 messages received. One was from Kama, the other was ..from someone not in my contacts la.
I could read the first three words of the message &it said, “Happy Nurses’ Day…” I thought it was a message from the SHS to all nursing students or something. Not saying I was totally disinterested after that, but more like, Yea OK kindar air. But still felt obliged to read the full message anyways.
&my heart stopped.
I read the message again. Stared at the name at the end of the message. Blinked. Hard. I realized my mouth was dry. Because my jaw was open. I closed my mouth and swallowed. Tried to shake off the sudden numbness that was taking over my body. Deep breath. Read the message again. Like dejavu, it evoked the same reactions as when I first read it. Eyes bulged jaw dropped heart stopped. Tempted to grab a passer-by by the shoulders &make him read the message to me out loud. Just to make sure.
