I loved you more than you’ll ever know

Karma police, arrest this man

For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

Protected: I don’t know where to run

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The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly

“Do you think you can get over him?”

“No,” came my reply so spontaneously, I scared myself. Like I didn’t have to think about it. I looked at myself in the mirror, wondering where the fuck it came from. The sound of the flush at the background broke my reverie. The water had stopped running, but my hands were still under the tap. I pressed down the tap again &reached for more soap. That was the third time I washed my hands. I didn’t even use the toilet, really.

“I think you can,” Zaf said, as she got out of the cubicle to wash her hands. “I think you can get over him.”

She sounded so sure that I almost believed her. Thing is, I don’t wanna get over him. He really is the best thing to have ever happen to me.

So you sail away into a grey sky morning

We are not any better

Quit it with the wayang &the player-hating please It doesn’t make you any better than them fucks you bitch about.

&then it’s Year3

I haven’t look through my timetable for the new term yet. I’m gunna do whatever it takes to NOT make it official yet. So bad that I’m not even gunna say it out loud yet. Nuh uh not acknowledging it. Not addressing it. It’s not even playing around in my head yet. I won’t let it. Not if I can help it. It’s not stupidity or ignorance. It’s selectivity. It’s doing me some good! I’m talking short-term. Live for the moment, right? &in the moment I’m still in my year break mood. I like it here very very much.

The things one desperately do to discriminate the circuit of wanted and unwanted signals in our head.

10secrets

You know the 10statements ritual. The ‘write 10statements to 10different people, words you know you can never say to them’ ritch we all have posted at least once.

Well! Let’s do it. But postsecrets-style.

Despite everything, I still remain hopeful

Hope…is what keeps me from sliding down that slippery slope. Man! What the fuck am I made of, seriously! Back &forth, back &forth. How many more before I lose it? How many more before I call it quits? How many more before I finally see…life is too short, &love is an emotion too important, to keep on w*iting out for someone.

I needed a sign right? Well. 16March2008 is a good enough sign. Why???? Here’s the cool shit. Because 365days ago was the last time I saw ya. UH HUH! 16March2007!!!! &TODAYYY COULD HAVE BEEN SOMETHING. But guess we were too chicken? You know, that’s funny. Because after all we’ve kindar been through??The lines that we’ve crossed?? Well, turns out to be for nothing. Cause we’re both not ready. We both don’t know what we want. I know, I thought I did. I thought I wanted you. But maybe that’s just the hormones talking. Wow. Fuck you, hormones. Haha. That, or maybe I’m just scared. Shit, what we’ve gone through. All in vain. A sign that it means it can never be? Wow. I mean, ok. Maybe we need like, whut, another 12months?????? Idk, you tell me.

Oops I sound bitter. But I’m not. How could I? When despite everything, I’m still hopeful. You’re still amazing to me.

Before you think I’m contradicting myself, I’m not. Maybe it’s not meant to be…yet. This is not me being weak. This is definitely not me being deluded. I’m just damn muthafucking patient. I’m just HOPEFUL.

Idk where it’s all coming from. This hope.

HAHA doesn’t this annoy the hell out of you? Cause it does me. TO THE CORE. What is it that my heart made of?

You know the song You &I Both by Jason Mraz aka the god of wordplay?

And it’s okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I’ll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that’s okay
Cause I’ll remember everything you sang

Yea. That’s what I meant by hopeful Very uplifting. Hannan would have recommended me this song if he knew about half the shit I’m in.

Hey there, friend:*)

I’ll see you around, Ali. (hoping like hell you’ll catch this.)

Foolish

Bring on the one to save me

On a sidenote:

It’s easier from somebody else’s mouth

..And then the days when you think think about them every minute of the day.

On a cheerier side note: