Im picking out pieces of glass from my brain

Hi. I am losing it.

I need proper meals la. I’ve been living of Uncle Toby’s muesli bars(God bless Uncle T) &occasional red apples(to substitute the chips..healthier choice! no, I’m just too lazy to go down &buy chips). Now sudden cravings for murtabak daging.

&friends

&a tea latte with double vanilla.

Or that barrista who made my tea latte with double vanilla.

“Took you forever to order!” my cousin said, annoyed. “What were you both talking about!”

“No, nothing.” *Sheepish* “She’s sooooo nice.” *Wistful, rather than lustful.

My cousin &I both looked at the lady.

“&so pregnant…” *The-hell-Lela? face.

“It’s true they say, pregnant women have this glow…”

Yea k so I had a regular tea latte with double vanilla from coffee beans. Then a large caramel frappe from starbucks(or Venti, whatever, large sounds fine to me). Back to back.

Onco-ck

When I found out from Zaffy that Oncology lecturer didn’t give any hints for exams &was reminded that during her consolidation (more like some damn lame quiz), I wasn’t paying any attention not because I was sleepy or tired, but because I chose not to, I returned Zaf’s text message with a whole load of profanities. (Mouthful!) Zaf’s reply in a form of a profound albeit obvious observation:

"Nursing makes us vulgar."

I texted back furiously:

"Totally. We came in with good intentions, come out like ready to start WW3."

-

Any idea how FRUSTRATING it is trying to find a nice place to study? Hor, Dicky? Brr.

F.O on me

My mp3 fucked up on me. Don’t ask why cause idk also. Haprak punyer mp3. Seriously la..either you get a good, expensive one, OR DON’T GET IT AT ALL. Tapi takpurr. It was perfect while it lasted. Relying on the FM radio for music now… It’s awright, except sometimes when I tuned in to Dan &Young in the morning, I ended up smiling to myself in the bus.

Later in the day:

Syaki’s sms: “Babat boy jumped off the shelf &landed on the computer table. Some computer plugs came off. Think the Mio/Modem affected. Laptop &computer both not working.”

I remembered thinking, thank GOD presentations over. Won’t be needing the internet hence.

I can live without internet.

You know what they say you can’t have it so you want it back

So I thought it was just another ordinary Friday in school…

I was early so naturally I headed to the locker to get Aisya Farid’s book for her. But Evelyn had beat me to it…heh. Idk, if there’s anyone of there with more (displaced) initiative than me, it would be Evelyn. &I ain’t saying that just because it’s her 19TH BIRTHDAY TODAY WHEEE! Anyways. I was still trying to reach Farid, when I felt the phone vibrating. I glanced at the screen. 2 messages received. One was from Kama, the other was ..from someone not in my contacts la.

I could read the first three words of the message &it said, “Happy Nurses’ Day…” I thought it was a message from the SHS to all nursing students or something. Not saying I was totally disinterested after that, but more like, Yea OK kindar air. But still felt obliged to read the full message anyways.

&my heart stopped.

I read the message again. Stared at the name at the end of the message. Blinked. Hard. I realized my mouth was dry. Because my jaw was open. I closed my mouth and swallowed. Tried to shake off the sudden numbness that was taking over my body. Deep breath. Read the message again. Like dejavu, it evoked the same reactions as when I first read it. Eyes bulged jaw dropped heart stopped. Tempted to grab a passer-by by the shoulders &make him read the message to me out loud. Just to make sure.

This is no forward text from some Doris Chan.

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

I want a photoshoot with the whole class please? Yes, inclusive of our very sexy mentor Andy Ong. Please please please please pleeeeease!!!!!!!!!! I promise I’ll leave you guys the fuck alone after that. Hahahahahahaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear I’ll miss every fucking one of you.

The one I call mother

Just so you know I am THIS close to calling the child abuse line, MOMMIE.

The hell. The one I call mother.

Heys *me*

I feel a longing when you’re around. I need you in some way I don’t fully understand. It’s true that a day doesn’t pass by without having thought about you. You visit my mind often. I read somewhere that being ‘in love’ and ‘infatuation’ are different ways to classify the same thing. In that case, I am in love with you. It depresses me when you’re around. But also when you’re not.

And here I am now. Writing months afterwards. And it is still true that I think of you every day. And I still long for you. You have left me with a pain that will not go away. I realise now. That the pain will stay.

I stopped talking about you a long time ago. Those who I tried to express my feelings to did not take me seriously . Some tried, (wisely I suppose), to point out I was obsessing. As if I didn’t know. Problem is I don’t obsess in general. I obsess in particular. I miss you. Some have tried making fun of my feelings (whether purposefully or not I don’t know). That hurt. I express feelings that run deep. Perhaps in a passing remark that could be easily missed. Still.

How come we name our final FYP slides after Loi?

Time now: 2freakingAM, please?

Laugh out loud. I am a freak. Slap me. Sue me. Hate me. Marry me(Farid had). Roll your eyes at me(Zaf does). Stare blankly at me &go, the hell, Lela?

Oh ya. I’m such a muthafucking liar. Please don’t believe anything I said =) Translation: please, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE see right through me =( &then ask me again. Don’t make me spell it out for you.

Here is Lela Ismail at 2freakingAM. Been warned.

I think Jenny is gorgeous:)) Maybe I’m biased la. Cause I love the way she shrieks my name when she spots me from far. Yup, I’m definitely biased to people who..can pronounce my name… ……

I had a ‘plan’, but Andy ruined it when he asked my group mates if he could ‘borrow’ me for 5minutes. It was 3.30pm &we were at the Eplaza doing our shit. I was like Looking at him like, “NO, Andy, let’s meet at 5 like we said so.” I was trying to make faces at him without my mates getting suspicious.

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It sucks to be me right now:D

Hai belum sempat ku beli kamera ku, telefon bimbit ku pula yang hilang.

Hahahhaha idk it just sounds more dramatic in malay

YEA FOLKS I LOST MY PHONE. NO WAIT. IT WAS STOLEN. TOTALLY. &THE CULPRIT IS SOOOO GUNNA BE DEAD, BECAUSE MY MOMSTER’S GUNNA NAIL HER SORRY ASS.

Man..you should really hear her just now… “I TOLD YOU NOT TO TRUST FOREIGNERS. SEE, NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED?”

Then I was like, “K firstly. 1)you’re being nationalist. and 2)actually, no you never told me anything about that.” Well, it’s true! She’d never!

I feel sorry for her. Whoever it was who took it. Idk, man. I didn’t think it was something personal. I think when people are desperate they do stupid things. Anyways, it was my fault also la. Anyhow put my phone over there. BUT THEN RIGHT, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT. We trusted her. Well, we definitely didn’t think any of them was capable of doing anything like that.

At one point I just like, “Have I offended her or anything?:(” Then..no way. I’m like the nicest bitch in the world HAHA. Seriously la. HAVE I? IF I EVER OFFENDED ANY OF YOU MUST TELL ME HOR. DON’T TAKE IT OUT ON MY BELOVED MOTORAZR.

Omg it seemed just like yesterday Ry &I were making fun of my BURNT ORANGE motorazr..(”If burnt, should be black what?” “Shut up. It’s burnt orange.” “RUSTED la.” “BURNT.” “..Oxidized.” “Oxidized orange..not bad uh!”)

You know what’s totally funny? I was on msn with Rasheedi; he got a new phone after he lost his previous one. &I was like, “Better not lose this phone lor.”

-whacks head with panda.

I’m Harith-less, camera-less, &now phone-less.

But at least I still have you

Lina has left the building

Let me say it again: Lina has fucking left the building. She will be deeply missed..(YAY I CAN HAVE HER BED FOR THE NEXT 7DAYS WAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA)

Anybody watch Contender Asia? The web exclusives are better than the actual show lei! K. Belated gyler babi, I know. DONT BLAME ME I DON’T HAVE AXN. &channel 5 damn WOLS. The finale was back in April, now then show. AIYA. TYPICAL. K WHATEVS. Bear with me for a while. This is gunna be a crazy entry.

Stop &go

epitome of a great date is to spend it with her says:
anw, i need ur help w the FYP shit

leave her whilst you at it says:
irgh
leave her whilst you at it says:
thanks for shitting on my friday

Ah. My friday…

I’m such a shitty leader, cause I’ll be like doing the things on my own………:O Zaffy has to keep reminding me that we’re a group so we must do as a group. I’d be like, ya sure no problem I’ll call ya when I need any help &I bet she’d be like: NO. DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT GRASP THE CONCEPT OF GROUPSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Hahaah…… -No, I don’t.

I’m aware Nana &friends are having this BBQ at ECP as I’m typing this. Sorry I couldn’t be there Nana probably has thrown in the towel, cause I’m always like MIA:O I know this is gunna sound damn tacky, but I’ll make it up to you

I went camera shopping

Courts, to be specific. I didn’t want to, initially. It’s not a nice feeling, entering Courts, or any malls, knowing you don’t exactly have any money with you(YET). So, ya. But we walked past, &the automatic doors slid open. Felt the surge of air conditioned air. A temporary relief, after being out in the heat. &then I saw something.

They had cameras on display. Like 4 tables of cameras on display. They weren’t like behind glasses, they were ..OUTSIDE, like I could totally go up there &touch it.

So I went up there &touched them Just the canon ones, at least. HAHA. I’m biased that way Like CANON FTW!!!!!!

I held a Canon Powershot S5IS. Which is EXACTLY like my current &very-broken-no-use-one-that’s-like-chunked-under-the-bed. Except it’s 8megapixel &has a wider LCD(by 0.5cm).

Then I looked around for The One. It’s like riiiight over the other end, on it’s own special display. It even has: “Please hold with caution. Once damaged considered sold.”

“Dok, hold me,” I said to my youngest sister. She rolled her eyes &held me by my bag. Just in case. So there I was gazing at the gorgeous 450D from that safe distance(&security).

“Don’t be stupid. Just touch it already.”

“No-”

“Fucking touch it.”

“-Ok!”

It’s been soooooooo long since I held a camera, mannnnnnnnnnn. Felt fuckably good. For a while, at least… Now, I’m hit with a dilemma:

$1500 Canon EOS 450D or $700 Canon Powershot S5IS? Let’s say money ain’t no problem.

Who am I kidding. Of course money is a problem. It’s a big BIG BIG IN YOUR FACE problem. Right now I’m shoving it off my face &asking you guys to please help me FIGURE??