Little things

₪ ʼnưřōǿĿ ♥ says:
WOO HOOOOO LELAA RAWKS MY BALLS

cancer in my bag says:
gladly

₪ ʼnưřōǿĿ ♥ says:
HAHA
₪ ʼnưřōǿĿ ♥ says:
k dont make me go thr
₪ ʼnưřōǿĿ ♥ says:

cancer in my bag says:
HAHAHA

Mushiness

please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU MANY!

actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
u know i love U

please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
YES I DO~
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
nvr have i been in such a mushy convo
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
hahahahahaha
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
ill be like dat w my friend but they dont respond tt much

actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
HAHAHHAHA

please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
hahaha mebbe they;re scared

actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAA

please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
u bring out the lesbian side of me
please god send me an angel from the heaven’s above says:
HAHAHAHAAHAH!

actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
oh i get tht a lot
actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
HAHAHAHHAHAHA
actually u tied to a pole would have been sex says:
jgn, pls

Heys *me*

I feel a longing when you’re around. I need you in some way I don’t fully understand. It’s true that a day doesn’t pass by without having thought about you. You visit my mind often. I read somewhere that being ‘in love’ and ‘infatuation’ are different ways to classify the same thing. In that case, I am in love with you. It depresses me when you’re around. But also when you’re not.

And here I am now. Writing months afterwards. And it is still true that I think of you every day. And I still long for you. You have left me with a pain that will not go away. I realise now. That the pain will stay.

I stopped talking about you a long time ago. Those who I tried to express my feelings to did not take me seriously . Some tried, (wisely I suppose), to point out I was obsessing. As if I didn’t know. Problem is I don’t obsess in general. I obsess in particular. I miss you. Some have tried making fun of my feelings (whether purposefully or not I don’t know). That hurt. I express feelings that run deep. Perhaps in a passing remark that could be easily missed. Still.

EDITED: In all shades of gorgeous

Post FYP.

Hello, my friends. Another week coming to an end already. I’m making it a habit to bring my camera every day to school, because you may never know what you’re gunna get. I have this shit idea, of passing my camera around, &let them take whatever picture they wanna take. For example, of themselves, what they are having for lunch, their notes, etc. &then return it to me at the end of the day.

But idk, I find it hard to trust people nows-aday… *shifty eyes* Kids these days are very naughty, &are always up to something sneaky. Like, idk..lock you from outside your toilet cubicle? Idk, you tell me.

I learnt something about myself today from Andy’s lecture.

How come we name our final FYP slides after Loi?

Time now: 2freakingAM, please?

Laugh out loud. I am a freak. Slap me. Sue me. Hate me. Marry me(Farid had). Roll your eyes at me(Zaf does). Stare blankly at me &go, the hell, Lela?

Oh ya. I’m such a muthafucking liar. Please don’t believe anything I said =) Translation: please, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE see right through me =( &then ask me again. Don’t make me spell it out for you.

Here is Lela Ismail at 2freakingAM. Been warned.

I think Jenny is gorgeous:)) Maybe I’m biased la. Cause I love the way she shrieks my name when she spots me from far. Yup, I’m definitely biased to people who..can pronounce my name… ……

I had a ‘plan’, but Andy ruined it when he asked my group mates if he could ‘borrow’ me for 5minutes. It was 3.30pm &we were at the Eplaza doing our shit. I was like Looking at him like, “NO, Andy, let’s meet at 5 like we said so.” I was trying to make faces at him without my mates getting suspicious.

She’s running out again

When you were here before, couldn’t look you in the eye
Just like an angel, your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather in a beautiful world
I wish I was special, you’re so fucking special

You know how when you see someone, &then your heart skips a beat? You choke on your own voice. You’re not even sure that you’re breathing &your train of thoughts go all haywire. &then she’s gone… You forgot what you were doing before you saw her. You took a moment to find your ground. Your friends are waiting for you to come back down. Damn, such extraordinary moment, I thought I’d only dream of. But it happened to me today.

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It started with a freaking tampon

Thanks for probably the lamest, most nonsensical, &undeniably WHACKED msn conversation EVER.

I love you, Nools

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Sorry I forgot

They say that when people first lose a limb, they can still feel it, &behave like its there. They call it having a “Phantom Limb”. If I could remember correctly, my dad used to have one of those thing. The whole experience seemed illusionary &very psychological, but the pain..intense &excruciating, &very biological-physiological, very real.

Well I think that’s what I have too. I have phantom limb pain. The limb a form of you.

There are those random moments when something interesting strikes me. Or a revelation or a sort. &I feel like, omg I have to share this with someone! &I’d whip out my phone &I’d scroll down the list. Who to disturb, who to share this piece of info shit with, who would appreciate a random phone call about something that has nothing to do with anything. &I’d got to your name &it felt so right &then I’d stop short. What am I doing?

It should get easier as time goes by, but the hurt was as bad as it had been the first time.

Sorry I forgot.

Day from hell

Morning was awright. &then it started going downhill.

Don’t see freedom when I hang out in the stadium no more. Maybe it was the weather. Then during lab? Wtf? Then nursing project after that? Wtf? &you..sometimes I wish you’d just stfu Pretty please? :’( Tired, you know..

Tuesday 3rd of June 2008. Big WTF.

I used to get away with so much.

Keep calm &carry on

YAY BOUGHT A NEW NOTEBOOK AAAAAAAAHAHAHA. It’s got black pages this one. Heehee. I swear I reminded me of a small kid opening a new box of crayons. Those with like 101 different colours?(There’s such, right?)

New beginnings, babe. NEW BEGINNINGSSSSSSS.

I still love you though. &you know I’d take you back in a heartbeat.

I’m pathetic that way. But that’s Lela for you. Don’t be sad for me. Just stand by me &hold my hand &be there when I need you &lend me your shoulders &your ears &Kleenex. Or just your presence. Your love. Or a hug.

But then I’m so messed up in my own shit, I forget you’re in yours too. So don’t be sad. I’ll stand by you &hold your hand &be there when you need me to &I’ll lend you my shoulders though you have to bend a bit la cause I’m short &I’ll definitely give you a listening ear &Kleenex &my presence &my love. Or thousand hugs.

(Anthony Hamilton’s Dear Life on repeat, dok. Hence the mushiness. HAHA. Aww, but it’s such a beautiful song:

Sometimes in life,
You run across a love unknown,
Without a reason, it feels like you, belong.
Hold on Dear Life,
Don’t go off running from what’s new,
I became somebody, through loving you.)

-

My eyesight got me into trouble again.

The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly

“Do you think you can get over him?”

“No,” came my reply so spontaneously, I scared myself. Like I didn’t have to think about it. I looked at myself in the mirror, wondering where the fuck it came from. The sound of the flush at the background broke my reverie. The water had stopped running, but my hands were still under the tap. I pressed down the tap again &reached for more soap. That was the third time I washed my hands. I didn’t even use the toilet, really.

“I think you can,” Zaf said, as she got out of the cubicle to wash her hands. “I think you can get over him.”

She sounded so sure that I almost believed her. Thing is, I don’t wanna get over him. He really is the best thing to have ever happen to me.