Complete Idiot’s Guide to Lela

It gets longer &longer as Lela gets whackier &whackier. Hey, people grow right? Tis the list that grows with you

1. Like a stone, I blog.

2. If YOU’re being mentioned in my blog, it’s with love Other than that, simply don’t believe everything you read. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

3. I’m your girl with bisexual tendencies, although my attraction to male is far greater.

4. My idea of fun is going out shooting my friends. If I could I would buy an apartment &turn it into a photography studio &another apartment altogether, to hang up candids &portraits of my favourite people.

5. &pets.

6. Sometimes I share too much here So if at any one time you feel like I’m taking it too far, by all means, STOP ME. I may not be the most OBVIOUS person; sometimes I don’t see shit even if it jumps &hits me in the face. So you must do whatever you can in your hands to STOP MEEEEEE. I won’t get mad. I don’t do the ‘this-is-my-blog-I-write-whatever-I-wanna’ dance cause really, I’m actually writing all this for YOU. Pleasing you is what I do Which brings me to 7

7. I wanna publish a best seller one day<3 Or at least owe my own column in the papers I’d be the most happiest soul.

8. Skating bra-less is not the way to go. Learned that just recently…

9. I have 4cats at home. Anggun, Babat Boy, Mac, &Philip. I love them to bits. &you know what they say about cat lovers Rrrr.

10. I scare people(guys) away sometimes.

11. A friend tried to introduce this guy once… “Have you warn him about me?” “I’m not gunna scare him away.” “I give him 5days.” “You will NOT scare him away.”

12. Other than that, I’m really just damn damn damn daaaaaaamn shy

13. As in I don’t talk very much &I’d rather keep quiet. Introverted. Boring. Unless you can get me in the zone Really I don’t talk very much. So if you’re ok with silence type of person (&good looking), I’m your girl.

14. I’m seriously kidding about the good looking bit. I honestly don’t care how you look like. Cause I don’t look like a super model myself.

15. Which is why I don’t post hundreds of pictures of my face here… Call it self-conscious but I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough with my writings I post a lot of my friends though!!!!!!!!

16. I enjoy whacked MSN conversations with my whacked buddies in the middle of the night.

17. or in the middle of preparing the powerpoint slides for presentation the next day.

18. I love hugs. Even though I admit sometimes I can look shitty &unapproachable. But naww, I love hugs(FROM FRIENDS). I love any form of physical contact Period.

19. I tend to be the one opening doors for my friends.

20. I enjoy getting myself into shit. I may not know what the hell is happening, but hecks, it’s FUN.

21. Am into behavioral science &I’m not just saying that because my psycho(logy) lecturer reads my blog.

22. A lot of people read my blog. But they don’t tag &let me know. How rude is that? It’s like going to a open house uninvited, steal cokes from the fridge, crash on the bed, puke all over the owner’s underwear drawer &then read his/her diaries that’s hidden underneath.

23. Please let your presence known

24. 22/23 has nothing to do with with guide to Lela.

25. My brain’s a big bag of random weirdness.

26. Hence this list.

27. I am a bad example for my sisters. Cause I am vulgar, sarcastic, &if I’m not being annoying, I am horny.

28. A close friend has observed that I’m wackier in the later parts of the day (i.e. after 6pm &above, as I’d like to quote from her……)

29. I’m a morning person I LOVE MORNINGS.

30. I love writing. Journaling form of writing. I’m self-absorbed that way. But it keeps my sanity intact. I keep sane not for me, but for the people around me(you.) So helping me keep me sane would probably be the smartest thing you’ve ever done.

31. Then again, maybe you invented EBuddy.

32. I’m also into photography. Nothing brings me more joy &fulfillment &freedom. Photography is my escape.

33. Which brings me to this: my dream is very simple. Me, my camera, &someone to join me.

34. I love the colour orange BUTTTT if I had to choose, I’d pick to be the BLUE crayon. BUT I LOVE ORANGE. You know you have your name all over the colour when your friends see something orange, &they go, “Ahhh, so Lela!”

35. BUT I LOVE THE SKY THE WAY IT IS. BLUEEEEEEEEEEE.

36. Blue skies make everything OK.

37. Clouds too. I wish I could grab one, put them in a box &keep them forever. But not them, in fact, rather the feeling they bring. But it wouldn’t work of course, no matter how many snapshots of the same clouds I try to take, when I look back, it’s not the same as being out there, &seeing it first hand. Thankfully, the sky &the clouds..they will always be there

38. Another thing that makes friends go, “Ahhh, so Lela!” is skulls. This was purely coincidental, I swear idk how it started. Most of my skull-stuff are gifts &I LOVE THEM ALL.

39. I lost my father when I was 11

40. to find my mother &my two younger sisters<3

41. Having shit like that happened to me at a raw age of 11, &being the eldest, I Had to grow up. &yea shit happens along the way all the time but it doesn’t compare to what I went through. That explains my generally-carefree attitude towards life. Nothing gets me down cause I was there before.

42. But sometimes, I enjoy a good cry! I can be melodramatically emotional. I mope around, cause I’m still a girl &girls mope so it’s acceptable &completely normal.

43. &then when I’m done moping, I get right back on the saddle of the horse that threw me.

44. Daddy’s girl. Well. Was. Proud to be Uhm. Proud to HAVE BEEN a Daddy’s girl. Seriously. I was a HARDCORE daddy’s girl. I think if he were still alive right now, he’d be way proud of me.

45. &he’d laugh his balls off too, at the fact that I’m doing nursing. He’d probably thought I’d do art. Or stopped schooling &do music. But no, dad, I’m a bloody nurse

46. He’s why I picked nursing.

47. Damn.

48. When I’m happy, I get excruciatingly exhilarated &I’ll be jumping off the ceiling. Nothing to be jumping off the ceilings for, but I’ll be jumping off those damn ceiling. &When I’m sad, I will tear, I will cry, I will mope, I will &you’d think someone died, but no I’m just sad. Very wayang, hor? Call me extremist.

49. Same thing when I’m into something/someone &I have immense love for, I WILL DIEEEEEE FOR IT/YOU. &if I lose it/you, a part of me will be dead as well. Very wayang hor? Call me a fucking passionist. Yea, worth profanity..&a new word in the vocabulary.

50. Speaking of which, I am a very vulgar person. It’s an extreme individualistic way of expressing myself. Yea I come with a big bag of profanities. I’m well known for it. I swear a lot when I’m excited, but never when I’m angry.

51. Cause I’m hardly angry.

52. I’m the get-sad person, rather than throw my wrath around.

53. I’m also a butt person

54. &a bus person.

55. HATE MRT.

56. LOVE BOOKS.

57. LOVE GAYS.

58. MY LIFE IS INCOMPLETE TIL I FIND A BEST GAY FRIEND LIKE THOSE CHEAP CHICK FLICKS? YEA.

59. Obviously I love CAPS. WHOOOOOOO. ME &APRIE CAN START A CULT.

60. I’m fucked up that way.

61. Actually I’m fucked up in a lot of ways.

62. I cannot take a decent photo. I cannot smile on demand la. I’d end up looking constipated. That, or I’ll make funny faces. &then ruin the otherwise great group-shot I belong behind the lens la, bloody hell!

63. I love Evelyn Tan Wei Yu. She’s my wonderwall.

64. I’m one of those fannoying people who wear low-cut jeans &flash them butt crack.

65. &idk why my bra straps always won’t stay in place.

66. My eyeliner is forever smudged.

67. My socks never match.

68. It may not look like it but I am very sensitive. I take criticisms very hard, &very personal. But that’s my problem.

69. I am a people pleaser, unless any of my values/principles are violated. Then I think you better play far far la eh.

70. I tend to miss the obvious things, like a stain on the floor(I once stepped on vomit which was like right under my nose). That being said, please don’t play the hinting game with me. You want something from me, you jolly well open your mouth &ask me. I’d be more than happy to do it for you Re-read 73.

71. I don’t do suspense. Don’t surprise me. Birthday gifts as surprises are awright. I’m talking about big those blindfold my eyes surprises.

72. Who am I kidding. I love surprises. I just DON’T LIKE people see me surprised. People see as me cool, collected &calm. &I’d liked to keep it that way.

73. I’m really anything but cool, collected &calm. Inside I’m intense, confused, &in utter mess you just have no idea.

74. Fun to be with? Idk, ask my friends????? I’m very much different when you get me in a group, &when you have me all by yourself. Yup. In a group, I just hang by the brink. Not that I’m asocial Introverted mah. My idea of fun, is just me &you, my camera, &someplace..anyplace, where we can just chill out &talk about stuff. SIMPLE, KAN????? But you’d be surprised how some people..can’t stand things like that. Too mellow &too sad for them. But whatevs. I have friends who I can sit &talk with till the break of dawn, man. So if that’s your idea of fun… I think we could be soulmates.

75. Secretive? VERY. But don’t take it personal It’s not you it’s me I’m still trying to break free from them shell But it sure doesn’t hurt you to ask me how I’m doing. I’d probably lie to ya, but at least I’d be touched, cause I know YOU care &knowing that alone, can turn my day around.

76. Difficult to fathom &to be understood. Even I don’t understand myself sometimes. So I don’t expect you to. There are days I’d chop my head off to have someone understand me.

77. I may talk about how much I’d like to harm my mother at times. But please take it with a pinch of salt I love my mother. She may not be the best(understatement), but she’s all that I have.

78. I’m real good at coming up with whacked random text messages &making my friends smile/laugh while they’re in the bus/mrt on a long journey home. This, I’m proud of

79. Another thing I’m proud of, is the fact that I’m perfectly ok with waiting. I don’t like to be waited. But I don’t mind waiting. I know it’s apparently not cool being the punctual one?(This I don’t grasp).. I mean, ok sure you’re late, but that’s Your problem. Not mine. HAHA. I was early &I’ve seen so many things during the time spent waiting for you…

80. I don’t have many friends.

81. I think it’s because I’m not very sociable

82. &because I am lame &awkward &clumsy. Things are better when I don’t open my mouth &try to impress people.

83. Which in turn makes me a very noninteracting, unreceptive &boring person. At first meeting &second. &third. &fourteenth.

84. I don’t mind being confronted; add a little excitement to my otherwise mundane life But I hate being the confronter

85. Things happened &I learned that I’m not the vengeful type. I guess you can step all over my head that way. Hah. Momster calls me weak. Maybe. (Read 84.) I just don’t fancy the drama. What goes around comes around. That being said, I hope karma fucks S*lween upside down. If I actually get to witness it, would be a bonus. But eh, whatever man. My handphone charger’s with me; all you have to do is ask

86. I love pens. Black pens.

87. I especially love doodling my hands with black ink. I’d doodle anything. A quote that’s been playing with my mind, a song that’s keep repeating in my head, etc. There’s a point where it’s so whoredly scribbled, you’d think I’m diseased. People in the bus read my hand cause they don’t know what they will find

88. Sometimes I scribble on my friends’(Zafira) hands, if they let me.

89. Or they(she) scribble on mine, if I let them.

90. I’m like a duck. Calm on the surface, but paddles like crazy underneath.

91. I am a dreamy idealist

92. I don’t like ironing.

93. I don’t do ironing…

94. My sisters are great with the iron:*)

95. I am forgetful &I tend to misplace my things.

96. That, or break/spoil them.

97. I’m that kind of friend who’d travel an extra mile for you. I’d wait with you till your bus arrives, I’d miss my bus to wait for your bus with you. I’d take a longer route home just so I can spend a little more time with you.

98. I honestly as hell, don’t mind waiting.

99. Yea. Go ahead take advantage of me. I’m very advantage-able that way

100. If I could have a tattoo, I want the word ‘Chunky Monkey’ inked onto my inner lower lip. &tattoo of an ant(no, really) on my inner pinky finger, where I was bitten..by an ant… my late dad’s band name transcripted into a barcode at the nape of my neck.

101. Basically la..if I could have a tattoo, it would be on parts that are not often exposed.

102. Un/fortunately, I have low threshold for pain. &also, it’s against my religion…

103. I are never a constant. Especially my signature-_-

104. I want to do a lot of things before I die. One of them is this!

105. &I WANNA LEARN THE SIGN LANGUAGE:’)

106. My eyesight is fucking bad. I do have a pair of specs but I don’t wear them not because I’m vain that way but I just find that I cannot get used to having something on my nose. Just can’t. That explains why I…

107. …squint a lot in public. &that also explains why…

108. …I tend to miss my friends outside. Like I simply walk past like I never see them. Which is the truth la.

109. I have this fetish..of putting my leg over people’s leg, when we’re sitting like beside each other. Idk why. I just need to hang my leg, kindar.

110. I love eggs.

111. I love Lays.

112. I loathe little St. Nicks girls. I hate that I loathe little St. Nicks girls. I wish I don’t, but I do. Those kids annoy the hell outta me, just by being there. Sorry!!

113.

To be continued.