Delicious ambiguity

YAY BOUGHT A NEW NOTEBOOK AAAAAAAAHAHAHA. It’s got black pages this one. Heehee. I swear I reminded me of a small kid opening a new box of crayons. Those with like 101 different colours?(There’s such, right?)

New beginnings, babe. NEW BEGINNINGSSSSSSS.

I still love you though. &you know I’d take you back in a heartbeat.

I’m pathetic that way. But that’s Lela for you. Don’t be sad for me. Just stand by me &hold my hand &be there when I need you &lend me your shoulders &your ears &Kleenex. Or just your presence. Your love. Or a hug.

But then I’m so messed up in my own shit, I forget you’re in yours too. So don’t be sad. I’ll stand by you &hold your hand &be there when you need me to &I’ll lend you my shoulders though you have to bend a bit la cause I’m short &I’ll definitely give you a listening ear &Kleenex &my presence &my love. Or thousand hugs.

(Anthony Hamilton’s Dear Life on repeat, dok. Hence the mushiness. HAHA. Aww, but it’s such a beautiful song:

Sometimes in life,
You run across a love unknown,
Without a reason, it feels like you, belong.
Hold on Dear Life,
Don’t go off running from what’s new,
I became somebody, through loving you.)

-

My eyesight got me into trouble again.

So last time my bad eyesight got me on the wrong bus home, &I reached home a little later than usual. But that wasn’t so bad, really. &actually the story I’m gunna share with you ain’t so bad either, but it sure was embarrassing. Not to mention, fuckably awkward.

Was at Thomson just now, waiting for Momster. Obviously I didn’t have my glasses on. &then I thought I saw someone I knew. I was frowning &squinting intrusively at him for a real long time. For all I knew he was looking back at me from the corner of his eye, but I wouldn’t know would I? Cause I can’t see, can I? &I didn’t even do it discreetly lor. Idk, I was just damn confident I got the right person. So when the dude finally turned to look at me(he felt my fierce gaze, &anyway, that was the intention: to make him look at me), I smiled la.

It wasn’t a nice smile. It was a ‘EH-FUCK-NICE-TO-SEE-YOU-HERE!!’ smile. Tsk, aiyaaa. The kind of smile you give when you bump into a close friend. Like you don’t care that your smile is so wide they could see your fillings kindar smile???? Cause it’s a close friend who has seen how ugly you can be????? YUH! SO I SMILED AT HIM.

He smiled back, but it was obvious in his polite smile he was thinking: “who the fuck are you again?”

I squinted again. Then I just halted &like, sial la!!!!! I had been walking, &like a retard, I just stopped mid way. I was that retarded. WRONG PERSON LA, BODO. Then I quickly looked down &walked a whole round around the escalator. EMBARRASSED GYLER BABS.

I made a whole round, but I wasn’t aware where I was going really. I just walked one round. Then I realized I was back at the same spot. &he was still there. &HE STARTED WALKING TOWARDS ME. SHIT. But then I told myself, cannot be. I’m paranoid. Nevertheless, I disappeared into this little shop &tried to camouflage myself between the rows of clothes. It wasn’t really a shop la, come to think of it. It’s just a little store. Actually not even close. But whatever. I pretended to be interested in the clothes(Ew. Tai-tai clothes. Whatever. Took a random piece out &raised it up as if to check it out &then for good measure, made a look of disapproval before putting it back in.)

SKARLI THE DUDE APPROACHED ME. LIKE STOOD NEXT TO ME &SMILED EXPECTANTLY.

Then before I could stop myself: “Uh sorry I thought you were a friend of mine.”

He said, “Oh I never heard of that before.” But what I heard was: ‘Oh I’ve never seen of you before’. So I gave him a confused look.

“I’ve never heard of that pick up line before,” he repeated.

I let the words sink in…&THEN I reacted.

THE HELL, DID HE THINK???????THAT I WAS????????? WHEN I WAS??????? BUT I WASNT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mouth opened &shut, opened &shut. Thank god he’s tall so I think he didn’t see how discombobulated I was. He was wearing stripes green &grey green &grey &I was just staring at it(his chest) as I tried to find my voice &my head but I was seeing green &grey green &grey. I turned away &faced the clothes. More green &more grey &some pink &blue. Drowning in colours so painful. Headache.

I looked up at him. &then ahh…Nice eyes…

“Sorry,” was all that I could manage. HE TOTALLY DOES LOOK LIKE SOMEONE I KNOW LORRRRRR. “You really do look like someone I know,” came the words. I SWEAR SOMETIMES I WANNA JUST LIKE..BIND MY LIPS TOGETHER WITH ..BINDER.

“Sure,” he smirked. I THINK HE ROLLED HIS EYES.

I looked on, disgusted. Who does he think he is?????? MYGOD, I WANT TO WHACK HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH MY BAG. PERASAN NAK MAMPOS. HAHAHHA. What a deluded moron…

Ok la. He is cute. He’d be cuter if we weren’t caught up in this awkward situation. I had no idea how to get out of it. Just walking away would seen like a shame. I mean, would seen rude. I contemplated explaining to him that I really wasn’t trying to chat him up, when he asked, “Looking for something in particular?” Turned out he worked there.

Great.

Time to redeem myself. “Nah, I don’t know if my mother would like this. I’m shopping for her birthday.”

“I figured.” &THEN HE HAD THE BALLS TO EYE ME UP &DOWN LIKE HE WAS APPRAISING ME OR SOMETHING.

Fuck. This is getting weirder every second, I was thinking. A part of me wanted to choke this fella with my(sister’s) black scarf then gorge his beautiful eyes out with the sharp ends of the hanger. The other, the shy &socially awkward, just wanted to run &never look back.

A white customer approached us &asked, “How much does this cost?”

I took this opportunity &picked option B. Except I didn’t run la, of course. I never run. But I did walked real quick. Then Momster called. I answered my phone gratefully. My heart was still beating damn fast.

Guess who I met at KFC. Cousin Elly.

“Please talk to my mom. She die die don’t wanna get me a new camera,” I was telling her. HAHAHA> SEMPAT.

“What are you whispering to her about?” Momster later asked. Feigned innocence. Then when she wasn’t paying attention, I shot Elly another desperate look.

Another humiliating shit happened while I was making an order at the counter. I forgot what Momster wanted. There was a minute of silent &I painfully tried to recall. The guy was waiting patiently, his finger poised over the ..button menu machine thingie? I stood there, scratched my head, squinted at the rest of the menu, hoping it would trigger my memory. “Shit la, idk,” I fumbled, flushing red with embarrassment, “Idk, I think it’s…”

“Nasi lemak?” interrupted a voice. It was from one of the delivery dudes, who was filling up his delivery bag.

“Or nasi ambeng?” another one made another shot &they laughed, including the guy taking my order.

HMM, BRILLIANT. LAUGH AT THE SLENGER.

“Fillet?” I guessed. “I think it’s something fillet o fish.” No wait, that’s Macs. Some sniggers. The guy waiting for my order was trying very hard to maintain a straight face. I pointed to a random burger. “This one la.”

The irritating dudes said something smart which I didn’t catch. Whatever. Took my tray, &walked away.

“Eh, your change!”

I made an abrupt stop &some coke spilled &soaked my cheese fries. “Thanks, eh, thanks,” I murmured.

“I wanted Fish Zinger la,” Momster said.

I knew it was something fish.